RLL #11: "Art, Animals, and Adaptability: G.K. Chesterton and Leadership as Art"

Real Life Leading #11

Art, Animals, and Adaptability: GK Chesterton and Leadership as Art

“Art is the signature of man,” so wrote G.K. Chesterton in The Everlasting Man, first published almost a hundred years ago (1925, to be exact). In that book, one of Chesterton’s goals was to lay out an argument that humans are fundamentally different from animals, despite the increasing acceptance of arguments to the contrary . One of the main parts of his argument is that throughout history, going all the way back to cave drawings of animals, humans have created art, whereas animals do not. He does concede that animals build: beaver dams, bird nests, etc.; but these are built out of instinct and necessity and for functionality, making it fundamentally different than the artwork created by men and women for thousands of years. He goes on to drive the argument home by pointing out that cows don’t write voluminous histories of their goings-on, and even if they did, who would want to read them; birds don’t make grand nests with carvings of other birds for beauty’s sake. No, he says, in art we see that mankind is fundamentally different than the animals.

I believe that Chesterton’s argument is compelling, and I also believe that it has a certain applicability to leadership: namely, that leadership is an art form that must be trained, honed, and adapted to various situations in the same way that different art forms and movements have held sway at different times and locations in history. It is debatable whether there is such as thing as “right” art or “wrong” art, though there are obvious differences between “good” and “bad” art, even if some of those differences are in the eyes of the beholders. So in leadership, there are many different styles, and many different traits and skills, all of which are useful in different situations and at different times. Thus, there is no magic pill or silver bullet approach to leadership: there is no one ‘right’ style or approach that is always the best in every situation.

We must take a moment here to be clear: I am not saying that there are not any fundamental principles or traits. I am not endorsing a postmodernist approach to leadership in which everything is relative. (In fact, I’d argue that a postmodern approach to leadership would simply be Machiavelli by another name, but that’s another topic for another day.) Just as in coaching sports, there is no “one size fits all” approach to the game that will always yield victory, so in leadership there is no “one size fits all” style that will produce the best results in every situation. No, in leadership, one should always be committed to core principles, worldview beliefs that form the foundation of all that one does as a leader (things such as integrity, character, honesty, respect for others, etc.) while also being willing to adapt and change approaches as necessary.

We’ve all heard parents, teachers, or coaches say things that begin with, “Back in my day…” and then go on to lament how things are no longer the way they were in some more or less idealized past. Perhaps the best example of this is the grandfather in the beloved classic movie ‘The Princess Bride,’ who says, “In my day, television was called books!” Often these statements are simply thinly veiled complaints about how things have changed. However, there is also often a grain of truth (and sometimes more than a grain) in them when we consider that things DO change, and not always for the better. However, as Chesterton taught us, humanity is still humanity, even when cultures, countries, and even currencies change.

The art of leadership, then, is learning 1) which approach is best suited to each situation, and 2) when/how to adapt to various styles based on the differing factors. Let us consider some of these factors and explore ways in which we may need to adapt our leadership based on them. One of the major things to consider as a leader are the various demographics of the audience you are leading: age, gender, size of the audience, background, etc. If this seems obvious, that’s ok: it should be. And yet, until we have actually led diverse audiences, we may be unaware of just how our leadership should adapt.

For example, it wasn’t until I taught both fifth graders and ninth graders during the same school year that I realized just how different students are at age 10-11 compared to age 14-15. Same thing with coaching different age players: the needs are different, the skill levels are different, and so my style and approach must be different. In the same way, I have spent the past four years coaching high school girls soccer, and in those years, I have learned that my approach must be drastically different than it was in my previous six years of coaching mostly high school boys. Again, perhaps that should have seemed obvious to me (and no doubt it is obvious to people more observant than myself), but it was not until my second year, after having had numerous players reduced to tears due to the tone of voice I used when correcting mistakes, that I realized I needed to change the way I coached since these were teenage girls, not teenage boys. Full disclosure: I am thankful every day for these lessons, as I now have a teenage daughter of my own, and I have no doubt that I would be a worse father had I not had a few years of ‘practice’ with coaching girls this age.

Other factors to think about when considering your leadership approach include the purpose of the group and the (for lack of a better term) lifespan of the group. If the group is academic in nature (as in a classroom), then the approach will be somewhat different than toward a group that is either athletic or of a business nature. Many of the leadership principles are the same, as evidenced by the high degree of applicability of leadership books written by coaches (for a great example, read RLL #6 about Coach K’s book ‘Leading With the Heart’, at https://www.speakerjoel.com/real-life-leading-blog/ms22tdejfnrg4mdych8xgr2s68dmnw). Nonetheless, one does not lead a company or corporation in the exact same way that one leads an athletic team or a classroom or even a family.

Finally, a leader must consider the ‘lifetime’ of the group in question. For example, I have coached at a few different college soccer camps (Methodist University and Duke University in North Carolina), and when I did so, I had to remember that these were players I would only interact with for less than a week. Therefore my approach, though demanding, was not the same as it would have been toward a team committed to a whole season, or toward a soccer program that I plan on building for many years. In addition, I approach leading my family differently than all of these other situations because the lifetime of my family is longer than any athletic program, classroom, or business with which I affiliate.

So, as Chesterton pointed out, art is what separates man from the animals, and the art of leadership involve both a commitment to one’s principles as well as a willingness to adapt our approach to different situations depending on numerous different factors. We must all use our natural gifts and talents to best serve those we lead, while remaining committed to what we believe to be right and true. In addition to all of those things, we must also be open to continuing to learn more about how to grow, how to adapt, and how to lead in different situations.

Action Step: this week, look at your various leadership roles and think of at least one example of how you lead differently in each one, and then email me to let me know what you came up with.

Real Life Leading #10: "The Illusion of Enlightenment" -- The Danger of Thinking We Know More Than We Do

Real Life Leading #10

“The Illusion of Enlightenment” -- The Danger of Thinking We Know More Than We Do

Last February, I was involved in a significant car wreck while traveling home from soccer practice. It was dark, it was raining, and while I was driving at 65 mph down Highway 431 in Alabama a large truck pulled out from a gas station when I was about fifty yards away. For some reason, the truck was slow to pull across my two lanes, and so as I approached, I was faced with having to make one of three choices: 1) pull my car right, off the road, and into a ditch; 2) go straight into the side of the truck (I drive a small sedan) at high speed; 3) pull my car left into oncoming traffic. Now, when I tell this story to my high school students, the typical question I get is, “Why didn’t you just hit the brakes?” usually asked in a tone of condescension reserved only for those who are blissfully ignorant of key aspects of a discussion.

In response, depending on my level of patience that day, I (either patiently, or less patiently) explain a few things to my students (mostly freshmen and sophomores whose average driving experience is less than a year): 1) that hitting the brakes on a wet road at 65 mph wouldn’t have actually stopped the car in the space available; and 2) it might cause hydroplaning, causing me to have even less control of the car; and 3) it’s always interesting that people who don’t really know how to drive suddenly seem to feel qualified to give advice to people who do.

To be fair to my students, all generations have the tendency to assume they know better than previous generations, and so my students may or may not be any more arrogant than we were as children. In fact, I would argue that the propensity to assume we know much more than we do is something of which we are all guilty, especially in today’s society fueled by smart-phones and internet access.

That is, as leaders and simply as people, we often have a tendency to assume that we know much more than we actually do. Students are convinced they don’t need to study because they can simply look up whatever they need to know using wikipedia or similar sites; parents are convinced that they know as much as doctors because they spent time researching on webMD; and people like myself are convinced that we’re smarter than everyone else simply because we try to remain informed about news, sports, current events, etc.

As if this illusion of enlightenment wasn’t enough, the tendency to have our preconceptions or assumptions confirmed is furthered by the self-imposed echo chambers of social media. On our facebook, twitter, and instagram feeds, we are often only exposed to articles or statements that confirm our own opinions, confirming what we already know, or think we know. This in turn reinforces our belief that we know what we think we know, and it also lessens the likelihood that we’ll continue our research with openness, since we’re already convinced that we’re right. And as leaders, this is extremely dangerous territory.

If we are to lead well, we must 1) be aware of the dangers of this illusion of enlightenment, and 2) take steps to avoid it and to lessen the effects of it when we have already fallen prey. In leadership positions, we are often the decision makers, the managers, the ones responsible for making things function the way they are supposed to. As a result of that, we are in danger of, as coaches are often warned about, “believing our own press,” or becoming satisfied in our own knowledge and expertise. When that occurs, our leadership is likely to stagnate, since we are no longer pursuing ways to improve because we are already convinced that we know what we’re doing. We may not think of it in these terms, but this pattern can be observed in many situations: husbands who become inattentive of their wives, coaches who lose the commitment of their players, teachers who refuse to consider new methods or different classroom projects, etc. In all of these situations, the result is the same: the illusion of enlightenment leads to a lack of continued intellectual growth.

Thus, after becoming aware of these dangers and the negative results that inevitably follow, we must examine our current leadership situations and see where we have already become stagnant, and we must takes steps to correct this. In short, we must begin anew the process of becoming a leader, an expert, a student. The solution, then, is humility: we must be willing to admit that we don’t know as much as we think we do, and we must back this up by seeking information even when we think we are already experts in our given areas. We must purposefully seek out new information, even from sources we know we disagree with. We must humbly ask others for guidance or suggestions, and we must be willing to consider their answers, rather than immediately rejecting them based on our previously held assumptions.

The purpose of leadership is to positively influence others in whatever roles we are in. This can be accomplished in a wide variety of ways, in different stages, at different times. But throughout all of those, the danger of becoming self-satisfied, of becoming prideful, of being convinced that we know best, is ever-present. The danger of the illusion of enlightenment is very real, and thus our response must be conscious, it must be intentional, and it must be continual. Good leadership is crucial, and in our ever-changing world, good leadership requires constant learning, an open mind, and a willingness to entertain alternate viewpoints while remaining true to our worldview and underlying beliefs.

Action Step: This week, identify one area in which you feel like an expert, and then go and spend ten minutes researching that same area. You’ll be amazed at how quickly you find something new that you didn’t know, or a new perspective to consider.

Real Life Leading #9: "I am thankful for"...Gratitude as a Key to Leadership

Real Life Leading #9

“I Am Thankful For…”: Gratitude as a Key to Leadership

     Hey everyone! This week was Thanksgiving week here in the States, and so I thought it would be a great idea to talk about the importance of gratitude and how it affects our leadership. I want to do that in a couple of different ways here. First, I will look at it in a theory/application format; second, I want to give some examples of gratitude for various situations in my life and leadership.

Let’s start with the obvious: most people know that it’s polite to say things like “Thank you” or “I appreciate it” when someone helps us out. That’s basic, kindergarten-level stuff...and yet it also gets forgotten, especially once we move beyond kindergarten. Ask any teacher of middle or high school students, and they’ll tell you that all of those lessons from kindergarten and elementary school (think of the “All I really need to know I learned in kindergarten” posters that were in so many classrooms growing up) seem to have been forgotten, misplaced, or never truly grasped by many of their students. Basic gratitude, in many situations, seems to have fallen by the wayside.

And, unfortunately, this is also seen in many retail stores and shopping malls as people begin ramping up their holiday shopping. So, lesson number one here: remember to show gratitude, especially to people who may be getting much less than they deserve (cough, retail clerks and workers, cough).

Next, let’s look at the somewhat less obvious: gratitude is not just about the words we say, but about the way in which we say them. There is a great scene in an episode of the TV sitcom Friends where Joey says to Chandler, “It’s not what you said, it’s the way you said it.” In that episode, the joke is that Joey is becoming more effeminate, more like his female roommate, and that is supposedly shown by this particular comment. However, there is much truth to be found in that remark: often, when we see a lack of gratitude, it’s not just through lack of polite words; rather, it is through a general attitude or non-verbal cues. Those of us with siblings certainly remember moments from our childhood when our parents made us say thank you for something our sibling had done, and we would (with no conviction whatsoever) sulkily mumble a semi-coherent, “Thanks.” And that would often be followed up by the parent saying something along the lines of, “This time, say it and mean it.” The interesting thing here is, in order to mean it, our words didn’t change. But our whole countenance did: in order to mean it, our body position, our facial expression, our tone of voice, all of these things had to change in order for us to mean it when we expressed our thanks.

This knowledge that our whole countenance changes when we truly are grateful for something reveals to us an important lesson: when we express gratitude, it not only shows appreciation to the person or group being thanked, but it changes us as well. Don’t let the significance of that be lost on you: when you truly show gratitude, it affects you just as much as it does the other party. It makes us change physically (our face, our body position--head up, look them in the eyes, all the things adults try to teach their kids about posture), and it changes us emotionally: we actually feel more grateful when we truly express thanks.

Last lesson here: most people are able to see through a fake “Thank you” just as we are quick to pick up on a fake, or at least a less-than-heartfelt, apology. So when we are showing thanks, let us do so sincerely, let us not just say the words but let us feel them and show gratitude in our demeanor, our expression, and our whole attitude. Think of the difference between when someone, even a stranger, says, “Thank you so much,” while they look you in the eye and smile, compared to when someone, even a loved one, says an off-hand and quickly muttered, “Thanks,” as you hold the door open, carry away a dirty dish, or help them up from the couch after a holiday nap. What’s the difference? It’s certainly not that the words “So much” added on the end make the gratitude more heartfelt. It’s the attitude, the feeling, the weight behind the words that really gets the message across.

As leaders, we have to be aware of what we say, but more importantly we need to be aware of how we say it. We need to make sure that we are getting our message across in the way in which we intend it to be received, and a large part of that is non-verbal communication. In my world, I spent a significant amount of time interacting with females: I have a wife, two daughters, I teach high school students (male and female), and I coach girls soccer (varsity and JV, with a combined roster of 30+). In the years I have done this, I have seen many times when I have mistakenly hurt someone’s feelings through a careless word, but more often it occurs through not paying enough attention to the way in which I use my words. I am still learning how to do a better job of accurately expressing what it is that I’m trying to get across to them, and it will be a lifelong journey of learning to do that well. In the meantime, let me give a few things I’m thankful for before we wrap up here:

I’m thankful for my wife, who decided it was a good idea to marry me (even when I tried to convince her otherwise) and who encourages me in my career and in every area of life while also teaching me about humility, grace, and gratitude. She is my muse, my help-meet, and my warrior-beside.

I’m thankful for my daughters, who continue to teach me about parenting by giving me opportunities to grow as they grow and to learn as they learn. Just when I think I've gotten a handle on how to parent kids their ages, they have birthdays, and I get to start all over again. I’m thankful to get to have the privilege of being around such great kids.

I’m thankful for my mom, dad, and stepdad, who showed me that divorces don’t have to be as messy and painful as they often become. They also taught me that humility, patience, and understanding are necessary for blended families to work well.

I’m thankful for my in-laws (current and former) for showing love and generosity to my family, and for always being kind.

I’m thankful for my ex-wife and her husband (and their son), who willingly work with us to make our lives work, and without whose cooperation our four-parent, two-house world would be much more difficult and complicated.

I'm thankful for every teacher, coach, pastor, youth pastor, and college professor that took the time to teach and coach an arrogant, snarky, know-it-all Joel, in the hopes that one day I'd be less cocky and more humble. 

I’m thankful for you the reader, for giving me the chance to share what I’ve learned and try to help you use your leadership and influence to make your little pocket of the world a better place.

Call to Action: This week, go out of your way to show true humble gratitude to someone in your world that needs to know they’re appreciated.